Lets’ jump right in there and talk about P A I N nope let’s not. Let’s be an ostrich and pop our head in the sand or sing so that we don’t hear anything else.

So let’s tackle that elephant that’s in the room – P A I N – perhaps once you understand what is happening you might want to reframe this to say
I N T E N S I T Y or S E N S A T I O N or actually you will use P A I N
There are a couple of other elephants that we will address but let’s tackle this one first.

Another video talking about pain as part of a process.

This may be of interest … The Psychology of Pain by Dr Gary Keill in an interview with with Alexia Leachman from Fear Free Childbirth and Motherhood

“Pain is interesting. At least I find it interesting. I guess this comes from my work in helping women prepare for pregnancy & birth because pain comes up a lot.
In fact it comes up too much in my opinion. More than it should do.  This is because a fear of pain is probably one of the most common pregnancy & birth fears I come across.  Well, it’s only to be expected after all childbirth is the gold standard when it comes to pain.  Everything is compared to childbirth.

And yet in some countries, childbirth is not considered or thought of as being painful.
This raises all sorts of questions for us around the psychology of pain especially around something like childbirth.

Is childbirth painful?
If you think  “childbirth is painful” then you are pre-programming yourself to potentially experiencing it.
Fact: it’s not for everyone but can be for some.
For those labour can be a joyful and euphoric experience.   According to Diosi, “around a quarter of women experience pain-free births. reported as 28%”.
So not a fact but an experience that has been discussed.

The psychology of pain – so many questions …

  • How subjective is pain?
  • Do our beliefs around pain have an impact on us experiencing it?
  • Can we do anything to avoid it or reduce it in some way?
  • Do we all experience it differently?
  • At what point does pain become suffering?
  • Is it psychological or is it physical. Or both?

Thankfully I came across this PODCAST – where the interviewer had the opportunity to speak to someone who specialises in pain and suffering and was able to put these questions to them on their podcast,  Head Trash Show podcast.

The psychology of pain

In this podcast chat, Dr Gary Keil, originally a pharmacist who continued his hunger for knowledge in better understanding the human condition, why we behave the way we do and how we can improve. And now he specialises in pain and suffering.

“I am passionate about how the mind and body work together, and how both can be fully developed to create happier, healthier and more creative individuals.

Neuroscience and neuroplasticity, philosophy/theosophy/positive psychology, and mind-body practices like yoga and meditation are my main passions but I’m a FIRM believer that what you put into your body is just as important as how the innards work.”

During the podcast Dr Keil talks about

  • the difference between pain & suffering
  • how pain has both emotional and physical components
  • what can we do to reduce our experience of pain and what is likely to increase it
  • how our beliefs impact our experience of pain
  • the opposite of PTSD, PTGO
  • what we can do to prevent our experience of trauma
  • the length of time it can take to train and change our minds

It’s a fascinating conversation.
Click here

How can I support my partner to help with the INTENSITY


The LANGUAGE we use to describe what we are experiencing – ensure that it’s what you want to hear. Which word best describes what you think you may experience – surge, ripple, tightening, wave, rushes or contraction. Use the word that feels the most comfortable to you.

So just reframe the meaning of PAIN which is:


Fear Tension Pain = Failure To Progress
By focusing on Breathe Relax Calm =  Relaxed Calm Birth

Partners can REDUCE FEAR through information, reminders about what you have learnt.
Show her that YOU are calm and confident and have faith in her ability to do this journey.
REDUCE TENSION by reminding her to breath (so breath with her), use relaxation techniques and move – loosen up – let go of the tension. (Move with her)
REDUCE DISCOMFORT by moving, reminding her to go to her safe place, to go to the toilet often, to eat, to rehydrate, to use massage and warmth.

Partners can be creative with lots of low-key pleasant sensations.

TOUCH Massage, light touch, shower, bath, holding hands, stroking

HEARING Music, encouraging words, making noise – sighs, yawns, horse breaths

VISION Focal point, use of visuals

SMELL Aromatherapy essential oils, familiar smells

TASTE Comforting snacks in early labour & fluids throughout