Your Partner
There are many other tools and techniques that can help with the lead up to and the process of labour – the most valuable of which is your partner! It doesn’t matter whether they are your romantic partner, your best friend, your mum, your sister or a doula, the same rules will apply. The beauty of hypnobirthing is you’ll be able to do it all by yourself. Whether you choose to listen to the downloads during your labour, or whether you choose to simply listen to music you find relaxing, you’ll be so subconsciously conditioned to enter a deep level of relaxation and focus, that you’ll be able to do it simply by closing your eyes and breathing. However, it will give you great comfort and an even greater level of relaxation knowing that your partner is there to support you should you find you struggle at any point. The Hodnett review (2002) found that when a mother feels supported they are more likely to feel safe and be able to cope much better with pain and everything that labour brings (hardly rocket science is it? Still nice to know they have done some research on it so we have evidence!!). In addition, a lot of the techniques we have discussed in this book can be hugely beneficial for any partner who’s feeling nervous about the prospect of their supporting role. Also vital to calm themselves down if they are feeling nervous during the birth as it is quite easy to ‘catch’ Adrenalin which would be detrimental to the birthing woman for obvious reasons.
Whether you are attending a course or if you are doing this online then I hope that this will help you and your birth support/partner …
Vital tips on how to enhance the hypnobirthing techniques and support you during labour:
- Reduce neocortex stimulation
The aim is to enable the mother to become as mammal-like and give birth as instinctively as possible. - Turning the lights off, not only makes her feel more private and less observed, it also encourages the body to produce melatonin which will make her feel sleepy and therefore more relaxed and it also encourages the release of oxytocin.
- It is very important to avoid asking her any questions, because she will have to think in order to reply.
- Offer her things instead, such as drinks, food, massages etc. and answer any questions the midwife asks on her behalf.
- Obviously, receiving permission for an internal examination will need to come from the mother herself, but answering questions on how long the contractions have been happening etc. is ideal.
Use of triggers
Her subconscious will have learnt to respond positively to certain smells, your touch, the familiar things around her, words and phrases you say to the mother whilst in labour, as long as they have been incorporated into her post-hypnotic suggestions and hypnobirthing practice.
Using them at appropriate times will enable her to sink even deeper into relaxation and feel calm, relaxed and safe wherever she is giving birth to her baby.
Remember these triggers are even more important when a birth is happening in a medical environment.
Environment
Make sure her environment is as ‘familiar’ as possible.
She needs to feel safe and protected at a subconscious level in order for her neocortex to switch off and her instinctive, mammalistic brain to take over.
Keep her fed and watered
She is about to embark on a very physical experience. It is absolutely impossible to do this without her energy levels being kept up.
Make sure she drinks and feed her throughout her labour. She may be able to eat more at the beginning of the process but as things get more established give her a chocolate button after each contraction or a spoonful of honey.
If she is using a birth pool or in and out of the bath and shower a lot, she will also need isotonic drinks to keep her electrolytes up.
Make sure she wees
Keep an idea on how much she is drinking and make sure she goes to the toilet regularly.
A full bladder is going to get in the way of the baby moving down the birth canal. If she finds it difficult to wee and she hasn’t been for a while, the midwives can use an in/out catheter to drain the urine. It is not painful and is far less invasive than a permanent one which she would need if having an epidural or caesarean.
Emotional stages of birth
You’re not going to have access to the cervix (nor are you likely to know what you’re feeling for) and even if you did, cervical dilation does not provide an accurate assessment of how close she is to having her baby. It is far more informative (combined with length and strength of contractions) to pay attention to her emotional moods.
The Excitement Stage relates to the latent/early stages of labour.
A woman in this stage is likely to be talkative, make eye contact and be excited because she has been waiting for an extended period of time for this to happen. Contractions are typically shorter and erratic at this time, and even if she has to close her eyes and breath through them she usually comes straight back to the room, once they have finished. This stage can last a long time and it is important that she rests and eats. Having some sort of project to focus on at this stage can act as a welcome distraction. You should match her mood.
After, what could be many hours, she will enter The Serious Stage, this is the equivalent of the established 1st stage of labour.
By this stage, the contractions are probably lasting 45 – 60 seconds and are possibly 3 – 5 minutes apart. This stage can also last many hours and she is likely to stop talking to enable her to concentrate on each contraction. She will want to move around more with each one and, in between, she is likely to want to rest. You should match her mood again, and at the same time encourage and support her with triggers, massage, words of reassurance and affirmations. At some point her contractions will increase in intensity and length. They will feel very close together and it is likely she will feel they are double-peaking. She is likely to show signs of Self-doubt, declaring she can’t do it any more, she has changed her mind about having her baby and if she is not already using pain relief she is likely to ask for it at this point. This stage is the equivalent of transition and is the final part of the first stage, just before her body starts pushing the baby out. Whereas you have matched her mood during the previous stages it is not a good idea to do so now! She will need extra encouragement and support and reminders she is so close to having her baby. It is worth noting that some hypnobirthing women are very quiet and extremely focused. It can be quite difficult in these circumstances for you to be able to tell where they are in the labour so just take your lead from them and match their mood.
Breathing and jaw
You can help a labouring mother to focus on her breathing which in turn will help trigger the relaxation response, by ‘modelling’ the type of breathing she should be doing. This works even better if it is something you have practiced together. Be mindful that the state of her jaw correlates directly with the muscles of the cervix. If her jaw is tight (as in she is clenching her teeth) then the cervix will find it harder to open. I like to tell people “If the mouth isn’t smiling, the cervix isn’t smiling either!” You can encourage her to relax her jaw by stroking her cheek, telling her or ‘modelling’ horse breathing i.e. fast exhalation of air through relaxed lips
B R A I N S
Remember to use them! It is a good idea to discuss what her plans are for labour beforehand and draw up a birth plan so whilst she is occupied during contractions you’ll have a fair idea of what she needs and wants and can advocate for her if she is unable. If interventions are suggested, during labour, ask your BRAIN questions to help you to clarify the situation. Remind the laboring woman that, as long as there is no emergency, she has time to decide or to wait and see what happens.
Take control
If she needs you to. Occasionally, at various points in her labour, it is quite possible that she may appear to have lost control and not be able to get control of her breathing. It’s normal, it happens, mostly as things are shifting up a gear but you don’t have to stand by feeling helpless. Firstly take a calming breath yourself and then ‘model’ how she should be breathing which is with focus on the exhalation.
Have a code word
It is very normal for a labouring woman to ask for pain relief or say she can’t do it at some point. It usually happens as she is transitioning from one stage of labour to another and is known as going through self-doubt, however, it can be very difficult to know if she really does want something stronger or she is just saying it because it helps. When I work with clients as their doula, I suggest the couple come up with a code word that has nothing whatsoever to do with labour. Ones that have been successful in the past have been ‘yellow’, ‘butterflies’ and even ‘peanut butter’! This way, you know she is being serious if she says the word but if she threatens to say the word or calls for a drug by name, she is asking for encouragement and support.
Just ‘be’
As a birth keeper or birth partner it can be very challenging to observe when a loved one is experiencing something so incredibly intense & physical. Our instinct is to step in and fix it. Well this can’t be fixed … it just has to happen and sometimes just being there for her to make eye contact with, just offering a hand to squeeze or a pair of shoulders to hang off of, is more than enough.
On another note, partners are great channellers of Oxytocin. If you’re with a friend or romantic partner during labour, a hug, a squeeze and loving eye contact can really encourage this super hormone to flood your system.
But there are two secret weapons that can be super helpful in labour because of their effectiveness at producing Oxytocin.
No 1. A pet! Preferably a dog, or a cat if you’re that way inclined (the jury is out regarding iguanas, goldfish or hamsters – but do let me know) A Japanese study reported that dog owners experienced a jaw-dropping 300% increase in oxytocin levels after spending half an hour with their dogs (Hills, 2019)
No 2. Sex! I know, I know – hard to believe that anyone could be even remotely interested in sex whilst in labour but Ina May is a great fan of an orgasm during labour as it is the ultimate Oxytocin releaser. Even if an actual orgasm seems slightly unrealistic, Oxytocin producing activities can certainly help.
Kissing, touching, stroking can all help but particularly effective is nipple stimulation (stroking not ‘tuning a radio’!) and clitoral stimulation. If you can’t face the idea of your partner touching your clitoris during labour – a doula colleague of mine suggests her clients get hold of a bullet vibrator. Small, discreet but effective! You can do all this privately and ask for space to explore this without disturbances. If you joining me ask me about the couple being induced … it’s a fabulous birth story …